How Not To Convince Someone You Are Right And They Are Wrong

A French diplomat who has been mistakenly arrested by the bumbling English police bursts out:

"Your bananas are too long and bendy, your chocolate is not chocolate-y enough and you insist on eating prawn cocktail crisps despite the fact that we have told you not to!

(You can find this clip from the "Thin Blue Line" on You Tube, under a bananas label. It is slightly too over the top to post here!)

I remarked in a recent post that you cannot shoo stampeding Buffalo. Nor can you convince a grumpy twelve year old the first thing in the morning that yesterday's snack, still in it's little baggie will be just fine for today, not at all stale, and think of the starving people around the world who would love yesterday's snack for today's breakfast. Not if want to avoid an argument.

"Because I say so" carries little weight these days around our house, since our daughter has detected the flaw in that approach. "Why is your opinion worth more than mine?" Of course when it is necessary for our word to hold sway we have the means to demonstrate with utmost clarity why we are right and she is wrong, but in a few years even taking away TV and computer access will cease to be meaningful, especially if she has her own place to live. Who can say what is true and what is not? "You English insist on eating prawn cocktail crisps despite the fact that we have told you not to."

The holier people among us tend to demonstrate by their loving actions as much as by their words what is true in God's eyes. Holiness which communicates truth in this way is unmistakable if you are looking for it. This is not to denigrate words in any way. But empty words, words not accompanied by actions are futile.

I learned to pray the rosary from a group of people in my parish who gather every day after the 9:00am mass to pray before the blessed sacrament. I learned the words, the order of prayers, which mysteries are contemplated on which days, but more than that, I learned by this group's consistent, daily devotion the meaning of this form of prayer. Each rosary is offered for the intentions of the people gathered, genuinely offered, in the form of people on their knees directing hearts and minds to the Lord who is with them in body and in spirit. In our adoration chapel the prayers which have been offered throughout the day seem to linger, filling the chapel with warmth. Then the next day it begins all over again. I don't think I had ever understood the extent to which prayer is meaningful action before I encountered this group.

Mother Theresa is often cited as the supreme example of words expressed in action. Her ministry on the streets of Calcutta is well known and remains a powerful witness to the life of a true servant of Christ. Her work was unmistakably holy because it was grounded in her life of prayer. She allowed her daily existence to be directed by God, and so she lived as wonderfully as she could the life of truth, of Jesus crucified and risen. Her life was an on-going sacrifice.

Parents understand early on what it means to become sacrificial. This sacrificial living only intensifies as children reach adolescence, as we are discovering. It may be that the greatest lessons our daughter will learn from us during the coming years will be those of tolerance, faithful love in the face of discord, gentleness and unwavering forgiveness. If we can muster them. Our success will reside in our attentiveness to prayer, to the sacraments, and to deep humility. I pray daily for these gifts not only for myself, but for the sake of my daughter. Telling my daughter that she must eat stale food and enjoy it is not getting us anywhere!